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Original Post (Thread Starter)
#879140 04/30/2022 9:21 PM
by Deadstiffcatt
The following is a commentary inspired by recent events on the forum including ultralights, a hanger, a paint booth and spiders:

I was listening to the town crier last evening rattling off the day's events; at a commercial break he cried out this advertisement:

Good evening friends, I'm here to talk to you about personal safety. What with the recent plague, crusaders off to do their battleground duty, and homeless and hungry rioting in the streets, it's a wonder that anyone here in this modern 15th century feels safe! We all know that a man's castle is his home, yet these days it may not feel that way. That's why Deadstiffcatt Enterprises Ltd. has come up with a novel new security device for your personal castle, or PC as I like to say.

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We're proud to introduce the latest marvel in PC safety the 15th century has to offer! Technology so advanced, you'd swear that some evil witch had transported to the 16th century and brought it back to today!
With no more need to worry about some scoundrels ripping the leather hinge off your front door, you'll sleep soundly at night or rest assured as you're off the Isle doing your knightly crusader duty!
What is it you ask? I'll tell you!
It's the all new, state of the art Diagonally Reticulating Arm Wound Balanced Repositioning Integral Device Granting Entry, or Drawbridge in regular serf's terminology!

[Linked Image]

Yes, friends, 16th century technology here today at an affordable price! This lovely drawbridge is built here on site by our crew of carpenters and blacksmiths, and readily delivered to your castle by horse team and carriage. We also offer laborers to hire or purchase with the knowledge and expertise to help you install!

[Linked Image]

Allowing easy access for your family, guests, or even your heaviest steel steed, it's many features include a sturdy metal hinge, it's fully lockable, and with our new arm operated raising and lowering crank system, why even the lady of the house and her scrawniest handmaiden can raise it with ease in the event you're off in battle!

[Linked Image]

As an added safety feature, unlike our competitors who often fill the counterbalance with sand, we use the best fist sized rocks we can find, allowing you even more protection by giving you something solid to knock that scurrilous intruder upside his noggin should he breach your PC !

[Linked Image]

But there's more! If you order today, we'll also send a crew along to dig a five foot moat, then fill it with the foulest possible waters and flesh eating piranha fish from the new world!
So don't delay, order your Deadstiffcatt Enterprises Ltd. Diagonally Reticulating Arm Wound Balanced Repositioning Integral Device Granting Entry to protect your PC today!
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#879165 May 1st a 04:47 AM
by Deadstiffcatt
Jon, I was thinking more along the lines of vodka, kahlua, and cream.

Steve, Irish Swede: It's what I want and need. Shop size is 12' x 12', holds two bikes, a comfortable sized work bench, and various tools and implements of destruction/construction. It's elevated about a foot to supply very good airflow to help keep a wood structure in a high moisture environment drier. Door/ramp is 36 inches wide, I'll never have handle bars wider than that, and there simply aren't a dozen vintage Triumph projects on this entire island to over fill it like I always used to living in the land of fruits and nuts many moons ago.!

Chip: Absolutely perfect description of a six month build!

Hope you enjoyed, Cheers to all!
1 member likes this
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